10 Tips to Avoid Looking Like a Cycling Rookie

With the recent explosion in cycling popularity through the dominance of Lance Armstrong, the United States is experiencing record growth in the sport of cycling. This is a particularly encouraging development in a country which has largely associated cyclists with automotive target practice using projectiles like Gatorade bottles and 7-11 Big Gulps.

Each day a new cyclist dons his or her two wheeled steed for the first time is a day where more people learn to tolerate the sport. However, if you go out on the road and look like the quintessential cycling geek who clearly doesn’t know what they’re doing, you will only hurt the cyclist’s cause for social acceptance.

We all have to start somewhere, and I was definitely not immune to being a neophyte. I had all the rookie characteristics: the obscenely large helmet, haggard looking shorts, baggy jersey, hairy legs, greasy chain marks on my calves, bobbing posture on the bike – oh yes, I was indeed a tool.

However, not all rookies have to be subject to ridicule. There is a way to look experienced without having thousands of miles under your legs; you just have to pay attention to the details. This article is targeted towards folks who are new to the sport of cycling and wish to avoid the potential embarrassment I was put through as a rookie.

Tip 1: No Pro Kits

The cardinal violation in trying to be a cool cyclist is when you buy a full professional team kit (jersey, shorts, socks, etc.) of a team you do not ride for. Nothing screams ROOKIE or TOOL louder than a full Discovery Channel uniform on a non-payroll cyclist. Steer clear of the kits. Not only are they a rip-off, but they make you look dumb. The only time these types of jerseys are acceptable is when they are vintage. General rule of thumb is 10 years after a team’s disbanding. For instance, if you hit the road in a vintage Motorola or Coors Light jersey, you get big style points. Just make sure you know a few of the cyclists who rode for those teams so that when approached by other cyclists, you can sound knowledgeable.

Tip 2: Buy the coolest helmet you can afford

When it comes to helmets, don’t skimp. You are going to be wearing this piece of equipment all the time (hopefully), and you want to be motivated to put it on. If you have some cheapo brain bucket or a nicer one that is two sizes too small, you’ll never want to wear it. Back in the day when I was young and stupid, I thought riding around with no helmet and gel that made my hair glisten was cool - well, it wasn’t. My Giro Pneumo helmet looks far cooler than my bare cranium, especially when it’s hemorrhaging blood after a head-over-shammy 30 mile per hour crash.

Cool helmet or hemorrhaging cranium? I'll take the helmet, please.

Tip 3: Buy cycling clothes that fit

Okay, if you are new to cycling, and you’re a bit uncomfortable about the whole lycra thing, then you’d better suck it up. Don’t go out and buy clothing two sizes larger than what you wear on the street. Cycling is about aerodynamics. You need tight fitting clothes. If you wear a large t-shirt, get a medium jersey. Sometimes the fit is a bit different between brands, so try them on first. Riding down the road with a jersey as aero as a parachute will make any seasoned cyclist holler “tenderfoot ahoy!” In addition, as far as jackets, no, the orange rain poncho which you wore to the Steeler game last week is not appropriate rain gear attire. Get a clear cycling rain jacket. It is far more aero and far less ridicule inducing.  Also, if you have a loose fitting jersey, don't go making matters worse by tucking it into your bib shorts. This isn't wrestling.

Tip 4: Shave the legs

Obviously this tip is targeted for the guys, however, if you are a girl, and haven’t heeded this tip yet in your life, then maybe cycling is a great excuse and a God-send for your spouse. I know it sounds crazy, but if you are a cyclist with hairy legs, people will ride ten feet away from you and avoid conversation. It may sound shallow, but it’s the truth. Nobody should judge a book by its cover, or a cyclist by their leg hair, but it happens.

On a related note, I am often asked why cyclists shave their legs. Contrary to rumor, it is NOT for added aerodynamics – although it might play a miniscule factor. The real reason is avoiding the “Velcro effect” on your legs during a pavement slide and for ease of cleanup after experiencing an eventual fall.

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